Day 3 of the 3-part training series: Developing Your Skills as a Couples Therapist
Live Training
Understanding and Working with Defences
with Karen Murphy
Friday, 13th November 2026
9.30 am – 1.00 pm (Irish Time)
Live and Recorded
3.5 CPD Hours
€99
Also available as part of the full 3-day bundle: €269 (click here for more information)
€99.00Add to basket
Understanding What Defensiveness Is Protecting
Defensiveness is one of the most common and challenging dynamics therapists meet in couples therapy.
When a couple feels threatened, exposed, criticised, or misunderstood, defensive responses can appear very quickly. One partner may attack, withdraw, justify, shut down, intellectualise, blame, minimise, or become harder to reach. In these moments, it can be tempting to see defensiveness as resistance or as something the therapist needs to overcome.
This half-day training invites therapists to look at defences differently.
Rather than treating defensiveness simply as a problem to be eliminated, this training explores the function of defences: what they are protecting, why they make sense, and how therapists can work with them in a way that balances empathy, challenge, and clinical steadiness.
This training is designed for therapists already working with couples who want to feel more confident when defensive patterns emerge in the room.
What This Training Will Help You Develop
By the end of this training, you will have a clearer understanding of how to recognise and work with defences in couples therapy.
- the purpose and necessity of defences
- what each partner may be protecting themselves from
- how to recognise different defensive positions
- how therapists can unintentionally intensify defensiveness
- working with a defence rather than pushing through it
- balancing empathy with challenge
- noticing your own reaction to defensiveness
- helping partners understand the protective logic of each other’s responses
Why Defences Matter in Couples Therapy
In couples therapy, defences are not just individual responses. They become part of the couple’s process.
One partner’s defence may activate the other partner’s protection. A withdrawal may be met with pursuit. A criticism may be met with counter-attack. A shutdown may be experienced as rejection. A justification may be heard as a refusal to take responsibility.
Before long, both partners are no longer responding only to the issue in front of them. They are responding from threat, protection, and old survival strategies.
When therapists can understand the function of defences, they are better able to stay curious, steady, and relationally focused. The question becomes less, “How do I get them to stop being defensive?” and more, “What is this defence trying to protect?”
Who It's For
This training is suitable for therapists who are already working with couples. It is designed both for experienced practitioners who are interested in working with couples in a more process-oriented, relational way; or graduates of the Institute of Couples Therapy
The programme assumes participants already have some experience of working therapeutically with couples and focuses on developing clinical skill rather than introducing the foundations of couples therapy.
Available to Watch Live and/or Recorded*
*(All sessions will be recorded, and participants will have access to the recording for 60 days following the programme.)
3.5 CPD hours by the Institute of Couples Therapy
€99.00Add to basket
”It is deeply fulfilling work and it is deeply challenging work.
Karen Murphy
Karen Murphy
Karen founded the Institute of Couples Therapy driven by her passion and commitment to this field. She dedicates herself to finding the most effective and relational ways to help couples find routes out of their difficulties. She has over a decades experience as a psychotherapist and is also an accredited supervisor.
Day 3 of 3
Understanding and Working with Defences
13th November 2026
9.30 am – 1.00 pm (Irish Time)
Individual training: €99
Full 3-day bundle: €269 (Add all 3 trainings to your basket for the discount to apply)
ICT Community members: 10% discount on all bookings (please use the code being shared in the Community)
Developing Your Skills as a Couples Therapist
The full pathway is designed to help therapists develop their couples therapy skills in a clear clinical progression.
Day 1: Working with Process in the Room
First, learn to see what is happening between the couple.
Day 2: Developing Skilful Interventions
Then, learn how to intervene in ways that deepen reflection and keep both partners engaged.
Day 3: Understanding and Working with Defences
Finally, learn how to work with the defences that emerge when the process becomes challenging.
You can book this training individually, or attend all three days as a full skills development pathway for a deeper learning experience.
Can I book Day 3 on its own?
Yes. Each training day can be booked individually, so you can attend Working with Process in the Room on its own without booking the full 3-day series.
Do I need to attend all three days?
No, you do not need to attend all three days. However, the three trainings are designed as a pathway, moving from process, to interventions, to defences. Attending all three will give you a deeper and more integrated learning experience.
Is this training suitable for beginners?
This training is designed for therapists who already have some experience of working with couples or who have completed the ICT Certificate in Relationship Therapy. It is not an introductory couples therapy training, but a skills development session for therapists who want to deepen their practice.
Is this training about stopping defensiveness?
Not exactly. This training looks at defensiveness as something that often has a protective function. Rather than treating it simply as resistance or a behaviour to eliminate, the focus is on understanding what the defence is protecting and how to work with it thoughtfully.
How does this training connect to process (Day 1) and interventions (Day 2)?
Once therapists can see the process and intervene more skilfully, defences often become more visible. Day 3 helps therapists understand what happens when partners begin to feel exposed, challenged, or vulnerable, and how to keep working without intensifying defensiveness.
Will I receive a CPD certificate?
Yes. A 3.5-hour CPD certificate will be issued for this training.
Will the session be recorded?
Yes. The training will be recorded, and participants will have access to the recording for 60 days following the programme.
Can I book the full 3-day pathway instead?
Yes. You can book this day individually for €99, or book the full 3-day pathway for €269. ICT Community members receive 10% off all bookings.
CPD Accreditation
This training qualifies for 3.5 CPD hours and is awarded by the Institute of Couples Therapy.
Want to Explore More?
Check out our Couples Therapy CPD Hub for more live and recorded training options.
Ready to Develop Your Skills as a Couples Therapist?
If you are already working with couples and want to feel more confident recognising what is happening between partners in real time, this training offers a focused space to develop that skill.
You can attend this session on its own, or join the full 3-day pathway for a deeper development of your work with process, interventions, and defences.
€99.00Add to basket
