What this episode explores

What is the most important question to ask in couples therapy?

In this episode, Karen reflects on a question she returns to again and again—particularly in supervision: “Why is this person, or this couple, in therapy?”

She explores how, without a clear answer to this, both therapist and couple can quickly lose direction. The work can become reactive, stuck, or pulled into unhelpful dynamics.

Karen introduces the question she uses to ground the work:

“What would a positive outcome look like for you?”

You’ll hear reflections on:

• Why couples often describe what they want to stop, rather than what they want to move towards
• How this question creates a shared framework for the therapy
• The risk of therapists slipping into persuasion or power struggles
• Why the work must remain client-led, not therapist-directed
• How to hold different (and sometimes conflicting) goals within the couple
• The importance of revisiting this question throughout the therapy

This episode offers a simple but powerful anchor—one that can help you stay grounded, neutral, and aligned with the couple’s own motivation for change.

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Episode 5 – Neutrality Doesn’t Mean Colluding with Bad Behaviour

In each episode, Karen Murphy explores the real complexities of couples work, offering grounded clinical reflections rather than quick fixes or rigid techniques. This episode focuses on one of the most misunderstood aspects of couples therapy: neutrality.